It's okay to struggle....

This is the most terrifying thing I have ever done. The idea of this all is rattling my anxiety, the thoughts go threw my head on a daily bases.. "What if I fail, what if I cant do this, what if people don't love my work". I tend to fear the worst.

This is my best friend and her lovely horse Jack.

Jack passed away a few years ago and this photo as well as many others have we took over the years mean the world to her. Brandee is one of my biggest inspirations to push threw my struggles and follow my dreams, she's always been my greatest support and number one fan.

I don't want this journey to be just another photography business, I value a personal touch and connection, I hope to inspire other people that they can do whatever they put their mind to. Anything is possible.

Ive spent most of my twenties moving from place to place with my horses and dogs, struggling to find where we fit in amongst this world. Always feeling out of place, never having that sense of "home". I unfortunately have been through scenarios where I was used and tossed away after I gave all I could of myself. I would get to a point where I couldn't give anymore, I was struggling so much in a silent way. I didn't know how to bring my problems to anyone, it was nerve-racking to be vulnerable because that's just not me. I am a broken person, and you know what THAT'S OKAY!

I suffer from depression and anxiety in a very high active kind of way. This really came into effect three years ago when I lost my favourite person in a motorcycle accident. He was my best friend.. I loved him with my entire heart. Things have not been the same without him here. My world became very dark and scary for what seemed like a very long time after his accident. To try and fight it I would keep myself busy, to an extreme extent. This would work for a bit but that dark place would always find me once again. I have found myself doing this for years, still even to this day. Pushing myself past a healthy point tends to happen much too often. I didn't know how to say "NO!", I didn't understand how to take care of myself.

This is a photo snapped at a truck meet Eric and I went to. I didn't know at the time this would be one of the photos I would treasure the most. That smile....I miss it everyday

This business is the first time I'm taking control of my life and my future. I'm learning it's okay to struggle, to take care of yourself, and that not everyone has to love what i'm doing here. If this fails and I have to start again and try something different that is what I will do. This is for me. I want to inspire others, I want people to know it is okay to take care of yourself, and that its ok to ask for help. We need to normalize struggling on a daily basis, and understanding that our mental health is so important and should never be put on the back burner. Too many of us get caught up in the day to day at a cookie cutter job we don't have a passion for but it "pays the bills". We sit there waiting for the end of the day, to go home and forget about what truly feeds our souls. After 27 years i'm finally ready to start feeding that fire constantly until it consumes my life. This is what I want to do.

** The images I shared on this post are examples of how important a photograph can be to someone. Sometimes it is the only physical thing we have left of the things and people we love the most. So take my advice, get the photos done, pay someone well to capture special people and moments in your life, one day you'll thank me. **

Don't be ashamed of your story, it will inspire others....

--k.z--